Iris Tam Denham

Born on August 22, 1931, Iris Patricia Owen (now Iris Tam Denham) was a true London Cockney, born within the sound of the church bells of St. Mary Le-Bow. Her father, Humphrey Frank Owen, was the son of pub owners in Hereford, England. He became a journalist, novelist, and at the age of twenty three, the youngest Member of Parliament ever elected. He was an enigmatic fellow most known as being one of a secret group of writers that exposed and brought down Neville Chamberlain when they wrote the book, Guilty Men. Tam’s mother, Margaret Florence Louise Baker (Madge), was a fiery, hard and intermittently loving and cruel woman. Madge was in the lineage of the Baker / Lee Clan of Gypsies. She was working class stock from Camden Town, London, England. Frank and Madge had a sporadic romance begun in the roaring 20s and Iris was the result. She was raised alone by Madge until she was seven when Madge married a railroad man named Ted Brooker. New siblings, Richard (Dicky) and Penelope (Penny) arrived and Iris was as she said “extra cargo” to her mum. Madge was, as were many, the best mother she could be given what she was given. Iris's formative years were during the war. As a young girl Nazi bombs ravaged London. Like so many children, the trauma of the war was close and came in the dark of night. It came amidst sirens, searchlights, and explosions. At a moment’s notice she would be shuttled into the tubes or frequently evacuated to the countryside. She was partial to the countryside although there was little room for play. Children were confined by locked doors, heavy coats and strict tutors. It was, however, a respite not just from the bombings but from the grim environs of “the smoke” of East London itself. After the war, nothing was the same in London nor in her life. After the war, at fourteen, she was left with friends of her father's in Southern France while he and his mistress continued their European tour. These friends plotted her “rescue” from the indifferent care of her father and forced him to send her to a finishing school in Switzerland “to get a bit of respectability and social camouflage”. This only lasted for a time due to a lack of payment by Frank (as he forgot her in his pursuit of his journalism career at the London Daily Mail) she was told she could not continue. Thus, she was turned away and sent back to London. Disappointment due to inattention was somewhat a constant. In her later years she realized that her father was quite literal. Sending her to boarding school meant only getting her there. At this time she took up smoking. As a young woman she traveled throughout Europe. In one story, stranded in Naples, Italy, she was broke and needed money to get back home. She heard an important fellow from America was staying at a local hotel. She decided to ask him for some money to return to London. The fellow's name was Lucky Luciano. He invited the young woman in, heard her story and asked her to come to his room. She refused the room saying she had a boyfriend already. When he asked where this boyfriend was, she replied that he was outside the hotel shitting himself and waiting for her bullet ridden body to be thrown back out. Lucky, amused and impressed by her brashness, gave her the fare home. Iris often made money as an artist model. She was also a thespian. First in England, in a regional touring company, then in the US. In Kansas City, where she later settled, she worked professionally at the Kansas City Repertory Theater. As a child she began writing during the war. With pen to paper in very small letters she scribed novels and poetry. It remained a passion throughout her life. As did the tiny writing. For a time in the late 40’s she lived in Paris. She occasionally modeled but otherwise lived sparsely with friends and acquaintances. She fell in with a group known as the Paris Beatniks. It was a large influence on her style of poetry. Soon the Beatniks would migrate to the US, as would she. In her early twenties Tam came over to the US to study Dianetics. Again, she was sent to study with the aid of her father but with no support and no tuition. Fortunately, no money was demanded and they let her study for free. She met her first husband Theodore (Ted) Otteson, a handsome man of Norwegian descent born in India to missionary parents, in Phoenix at the Dianetics headquarters. Ted and Iris became part of an inner circle of the writer L. Ron Hubbard during the time when Dianetics was shifting to Scientology, a religion they helped transition Dianetics into. This took them across the southwest from hotel to hotel explaining the relationship between Dianetics and Scientology, it was the first of the “road shows”. Scientology led them first to LA and then New York City, and then due to the need to earn a living, on to Dayton where Ted was offered a job. Iris and Ted moved to Ohio renting a small house where their two children, Clovis and Malory, were born. Ted also ran an iconic coffee shop and theater/music venue called the Lemon Tree where he met and fell in love with Beverley Upchurch, who also had two children, Paula and Susan. After divorce and with no other options, Tam considered taking her children back to London. Instead, this now extended family all moved into a large farmhouse. This made for an interesting household where many an opening night party was held. Together they all moved to Kansas City a few years later. Then, continuing her work in theater, Tam met John, her greatest love. Tam first met Roy John Denham, at a friend's house as she looked down at him late one night where he lay flat on his back, overly intoxicated. John was a local professor, jazz pianist, and playwright who, with his roommates, hosted many jazz and booze fueled revelries such as this during the 60s Kansas City jazz scene. In his blissfully inebriated state she found him handsome and sweet. They married and had a child, Morgyn. Tam’s longest life stretch was in Kansas City. It was tumultuous with echos of her mother, the War, East London and undiagnosed mental illness. These impacted herself and others. She was industrious, renovating homes and continuing her studies, as she raised her children doing the best she could. She relished in, and was known for, her eccentric behavior. One of many examples were her primal scream sessions. This was where friends gathered at her home and for hours animalistically yelled blood curdling screams that emanated across the neighborhood. To those familiar with her it was nothing out of the ordinary. She earned a PhD in Psychology in an attempt to both figure herself out and make sense of the world. This went only so far. Her wisdom and insights are undeniable, particularly when applied to others. Music was ever present for Tam and John with regular and impromptu gatherings of local musicians converging and crashing at their home. John was the love of her life. Soon after he retired he was diagnosed with cancer. After going through treatment he came to Maine to recover. Recovery was not in the script though and he died in the living room of the home of Malory and husband Michael Shaughnessy. Children and animals scampered about. This was devastating to Tam. She moved to Arizona to be close to Morgyn, then to the Virgin Islands where she met and fell in love with a woman named Barbara Clark. But drama, as it often did, permeated the relationship. Barbara was a social worker and they practiced together, eventually moving to New Orleans. They rented a small tidy house in Lakeview abutting the dike of the 17th Street Canal. Six months later, when Katrina was bearing down they were reluctant to leave. They thought they could ride it out. However, thanks to the persistence of friends, they made their way to Memphis to stay till things blew over. It was a longer stay than expected and they never returned to Lakeview. The break in the canal was just behind their home. Lakeview was submerged for weeks. Barbara and Tam moved to a small town above Lake Pontchartrain. In a few years however Barbara died and Tam made her way to Maine to be with her children who had all migrated there. At first she lived in an assisted living home. It proved to be too much assistance than her sense of independence would allow for. She moved into an apartment in Portland. This worked for a few years until it became apparent she did need assistance without the feeling of actually being assisted. Actually in her eighties, she just needed a caring eye and frequent help with her phone and mail, and the TV remote. It became obvious that independent living was beyond her grasp and so she and her daughter Malory, with husband Michael, looked for a house they could all afford and fit into. Together with a grandson and his partner and newborn, they all moved into the Conant Homestead in Westbrook. For the next eight years she was the grand elder of a growing four generation household. A voracious reader, she loved the local library, reading nearly a book a day. She was highly opinionated and political (she became a US citizen finally to vote against George W. Bush), got into a few scuffles with old goats, and loved the chicken that would perch on the back of her chair as she would read on the porch. She found much delight by the cats that would sleep in her arms. The great grandchildren enthralled and amused her. She resigned her aspiration for personal mobility when she, with indifference to the signs, tried to ride her scooter through wet concrete. Her social activities were limited but much loved. There were Thursdays with Clovis where they would enjoy a meal and binge on series such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer and her favorite, Sons of Anarchy. At times she would be found sitting with her great granddaughter Ferne watching TV or reading books. She was, and is, an introvert with a keen sense for interpersonal discourse. Those that know her would fondly call it, the “Tam Trap”. This is where one unknowingly would enter into a conversation that would, due to a mix of fascination and obligation, persist far longer than one ever expected. This could happen at home, at the store or in the emergency room where such things as “she is fascinating” and “from where proper English comes” were written in her exam notes. She was a creative, fiery, affectionate and yet contentious woman. As a mother she did her best with what she was given. She found her sweet side in her final years. She subsisted on Scottish Tea, English muffins, butter, and cigarettes. She wore big hats, drank shanties, and loved clotted cream. Through everything, her roots as a Cockney from Camden Town was always in her. She loved and found much joy in her many grandchildren and great grandchildren. Her final page has now turned, but her book of stories is thicker than most. Her path was more varied, her journey curious. She always has been an independent spirit dependent on the kindness of others. Tam died peacefully early in the morning on Saturday, January 28th, 2023 with Malory and Morgyn sleeping on mats beside her bed. Malory awoke with a start at her passing, her body quiet yet still warm, as if Tam had leaned over and woke her saying, “it’s time.” The family held a rolling wake for her over the weekend while she lay peacefully in her bed, with friends stopping by to reminisce and toast her onto her next adventure. There was both laughter and tears. Tam was predeceased by her true love John Denham, her first husband Ted Otteson, her partner of later years Barbara Clark, and her sister Penny Brooker and her children Penny and John. She is survived by her beloved three children, Clovis Germanicus Owen Otteson, Malory Amanda Tara Otteson Shaughnessy and her husband Michael Joseph Shaughnessy, and Morgyn Elizabeth Danae. She is survived by her beloved four grandchildren and five great grandchildren: Theo Alexander Owen Shaughnessy, Avery Tiernan Joseph Shaughnessy and his wife Ellie and child Aria Rose, Ciaran Alvar Sealand Shaughnessy and his wife Katie Eastman and child Thomas Rose Eastman, and Tulleigh Vincent Stewart Shaughnessy and partner Sarah Anne McLaughlin and children Aebel Theodore Lachlan Shaughnessy, Ferne Patricia Tara Shaughnessy, and Elwell Michael Patrick Shaughnessy. She is also survived by her greatly loved younger brother Richard Brooker and his wife Taree Bunnag-Brooker, six great nieces and nephews, and five great great nieces and nephews. A memorial is planned for the spring when a bench in her honor will be placed at the Conant Homestead overlooking the Presumpscot River with tree and flower plantings. Her ashes will be spread there and down to the river and waterfalls she loved. In lieu of flowers, donations will be accepted by the Walker Memorial Library in Westbrook, Maine, which fueled her passion for reading for many years. Please send C/O the Tam Denham Fund, 800 Main Street, Westbrook Maine 04092. More stories and interviews with Tam can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/@AllAboutTam"

Iris Tam Denham

August 22, 1931 - January 28, 2023